Wednesday 14th September
Changes all round.
Poor 6-year-old M dealing with the next round of emotions and absolute exhaustion at the start of Year 2. How to help her? How to ease the stresses and severe expectations of school? Again I wonder if I should be homeschooling. Her frustrations. My frustrations that I simply cannot spend enough time alone with her. Enough time playing with her.
Relieved that I feel absolutely correct in having given H another term of preschool and only intensely cross that I didn’t fight to allow her a whole year rather than having to miss a term of Year R simply not to have to start school at only-just 4, always to now be the youngest in her year for everything. Still – she seems so grown up and mature now. Dry at night. Able to better control her emotional turbulences and outbursts. She seems suddenly so much more confident in new and social situations. So boo-sucks to her teaching assistant to be, who informed me earlier in the summer, after terrible settling in sessions at school (let’s face it, she was still only 3), that ‘oh she is probably just one of those children who will always struggle to say goodbye without crying’. Errr, no. Actually, this was age-related and in fact, she is turning out – with a bit more time to grow up (like most of the children there had already had the opportunity to; ‘too much too soon’ deserves a whole new entry) – to be well adjusted and resilient. Now I need to give her some time alone too, especially before she is expected to deal with the onslaught of school after Christmas.
F is out of her cot, speaking new words every day, every hour, delighting in her play and interactions with others, and has even used the toilet appropriately a few times now. Getting there. Starting to sleep through (having suffered all her big teeth coming through over the summer) and perhaps, finally, we might be seeing light at the end of the tunnel. I have worked for the last 2 days, nothing strenuous but in fact, a well-deserved change of scene. F has had 2 wonderful days with friends, her god mums no less, and been perfectly happy. So happy me too!
Now I need to return to me. To rediscover me. I love being Mummy, but I am depleted, I have nothing left to give and I need to recharge before I can pick up and carry on holding that shining light aloft. Sunshine helps. Being back on my bike helps. Sleep helps. Need to cut back on the coffee again, the chocolate and ice cream at night (my guilty pleasures to get me through tough times) and find flowers regularly for the house and try and keep on top of the washing just for my sanity. Perhaps (if I can find the time) to simply get rid of a whole load of STUFF to try and simplify everything. A weekend away, even just a few precious hours to myself. Start doing yoga every day again. Do some yoga with the children too. Get up to date and Keep up to date with this blog. And some time alone with each of the children. simple?!! Wish wish wish we had family nearby. Think positively and enjoy this time, I know well enough how fast it will disappear. See them as magic days rather than tough times. Love. Smile.